WHERE DO WE GET OUR LOVE FROM?

As Valentines is fast approaching I thought I would write about WHERE WE GET OUR LOVE FROM and what can be healthy and what can be unhealthy.

I’m going to (try) keep it simple,

YOU ARE LOVED, by so many people, in so many ways. 

This love is amazing and is a huge asset to your life. The love you receive from other people should be whole heartedly accepted and appreciated. Soak it in as much as you can because it’s actually amazing.

However, that being said, the love you receive from other people does not define how much YOU should LOVE YOURSELF and HOW WORTHY YOU ARE OF LOVE.

Maybe the way you interpret and receive love is different than the way your family may show it to you? You might need positive affirmation and endless cuddles, or you may need quality time or acts of service. You may not even know what you need but you’d love to know. Sometimes we interpret the way others try and show their love to us as not really showing it at all. However that doesn’t mean that they don’t love us, it just means that their love language and the way in which they express love is different. We all give out and receive love in totally different ways and should be mindful that we won’t always get it right.

Theres a book I read last year actually called “The Five Love Languages” By Gary Chapman. It has really helped me to understand our love languages and how to give others the right kind of love. It’s amazing and has helped me love others better and to communicate what kind of love it is that I need (YAY).

Maybe you’ve just had a horrible break up and now you feel totally worthless and UN-loveable. It’s so natural and is exactly what happens when we place our value and self worth fully into the hands of a partner. How can we expect not to feel awful when the person who gave us so much love suddenly doesn’t want to anymore? It’s so weird, confusing and thats why we can all relate to it because it happens to EVERYONE. Every single person you’ve met has probably been dumped for some reason or another but that does not mean that they are unlovable or worthless and it definitely does not mean that you are when it happens to you.

How much someone chooses to love you does not define how lovable you are. Please please remember this. Just because someone has loved and left you does not bring your love-meter down.

Separately to the level of love you receive from the people around you, you are WHOLE. With or without anyone else. Your worth, your beauty, your passions are your own and no one can ever have any say in what you are worth. People may choose to treat you badly but they will probably be choosing to treat 10 other people badly. When people do you wrong they will be doing wrong in so many other places their life and they are probably very truly unhappy and need EVEN MORE love than we do. (thats another topic for me to cover.)

You decide what you are worth and that is determined by the kindness, love and service you give out to everyone you meet in your life.

Having a partner is amazing and exciting and can be the best thing ever. Its so healthy to let that fill you with SO MUCH LOVE. However, without that person you also deserve to feel that same level of love and you are also WORTHY of that level of love. We can receive that kind of love by treating ourselves with kindness and compassion, day in and day out.

Maybe you get left out of your friendship circle every so often or maybe you’ve got people in your life who make you feel pretty crap on a daily basis. Again these people do not define you. For so long I strived to be loved by the wrong people and it never ever ever ever ever made me feel full. The moment I accepted that I deserved true, loving and healthy friendships I began to feel better. I surround myself as often as possible with people that build me up, encourage me and stand with me when things get shit. You get to choose what you put up with, let it be minimal and then let it go.

What i’m trying to say is that we so often base our value and our worth on how many other people love us when its completely based on how much we choose to love ourselves. When you have true love inside yourself it gives you so much strength, sometimes enough strength to walk away from what does you no good.

Have a think about where you get your love from and how much of it comes from YOU and how much of it comes from OTHERS.

This Valentines day, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Understand that not having a significant other to give you love does not define your value and will never ever make you less lovable. However if you DO have a lover then give them all the love and chocolate you possibly can because thats good too.

You were born endlessly loved and you will always stay that way. 

Lotte x

 

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