REJECTION? How about incompatibility?

So, after my wee voting spree on Instagram you guys wanted me to write about the dreaded REJECTION.. so here I am sharing my views on rejection and how we can handle it because its REAAAALLLY not as bad as we think it is, (convincing myself of this too btw)

Everybody hates it, avoids it, runs a thousand miles from it. I do, you do, we all do. It’s gross tbh. It flattens your self esteem and makes you second guess your ability to be ‘good enough’ for anything or anyone. I mean that sounds drastic but you know inside that when someone or something tells you no, whether its full frontal BRUTAL rejection or a kind and soft, ‘ just not right for me’ it still sucks the same way right? Right.

So, there’s all kinds of rejection but I’m going to mainly focus on relationship rejection because that seems to be the hardest hitting for everyone.

I’m going to share some tips on how we could start to deal with rejection and some healthier ways of viewing the dreaded thing that everybody hates…

EVERYONE GETS REJECTED. Even the kindest, hippest, banterful, suave, shy, sweet, beautiful and confident people get turned down. ITS SO NORMAL. You won’t ever meet anyone who’s not been rejected and if you haven’t then they are lying.

  1. When someone rejects you, think about a time when YOU rejected someone and ask yourself why you did… Did you go on a few dates and said person was lovely, funny and attractive yet you didn’t feel the firework spark so you let them down gently and told them it wasn’t going to work out. That person potentially went away with their ego bruised however you went away from that thinking ‘They just weren’t right for me’ and there was actually nothing wrong with them at all.
  2. If said situation happens to you, which it will and it is completely natural, just remember that you were probably not compatible and if anything it was a good thing that they were respectful of your emotions and honest to you. (Or sometimes you get ghosted and thats gross but i’m going to chat about that in my Modern Dating post next)
  3. You are whole on your own. You decide the kind of person you are daily, in the way you treat others, speak to others and act around others. Also in the way you treat yourself.  Someone might walk into your life, make themselves at home then feel like its time for them to leave and it HURTS.. BUT THEY DO NOT TAKE YOUR WORTH WITH THEM!!! They leave yes but everything you built within yourself beforehand is still intact and it still AMAZING.
  4. No one gets to decide if you are good enough. It is not a thing. They get to decide if you are compatible and have longevity together but they do not decide whether or not you are enough.
  5. Well what happens when you’re together for 4 years then they decide they just ‘Don’t feel it anymore’, now of course that is far more complicated and very painful. However sometimes we just aren’t in control of the way we feel and sometimes it’s just time for things to end. Now I make that sound so easy and believe me I know it is not easy at all. But what I’m saying in simplistic terms is that we don’t have to label someone changing their mind or saying no as rejection.
  6. We actually decide ourselves to label it as rejection because so often we place our value in the hands of others, especially romantic others. What if we chose to label it as Incompatibility.. where two people stop speaking the same love language rather than turning away from it feeling as though you didn’t have enough offer. BECAUSE YOU DID and you still do and you always will.
  7.  Every single person is worthy of amazing, exciting wholesome love and it will take a whole lot of Incompatibility to find the right person who is compatible with you.

REJECTION isn’t really a thing guys, we just label someone telling us no as a brutal punch to our ego and assume that we’re not good enough because we didn’t make the cut. WRONG. How about we redirect our thought process when this happens. It’s so important to acknowledge when you’re hurt, and it will hurt as its only natural, however how about we acknowledge it as ‘It just wasn’t right’ because if someone walks away, honestly, it just most likely wasn’t right. We’ve all walked away from something feeling totally bruised but our worth is not dictated by anyone but ourselves and as long as you know that, finding out that you are incompatible with someone won’t sting as much. I promise.

All my love,

Lotte x

 

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