HEY everyone, apologies for the lack of posting, life got in the way! But actually in a really really good way so I guess its a positive! Yet here I am with something I really want to chat to you guys about.
I actually created a poll on my Instagram page and over 60 of you voted for me to write about mean/toxic people and how to handle them so, here I am..
We all have them in our lives, sometimes they’re having brunch with us on Sundays, sometimes they’re on our social media accounts, sometimes they’re sitting opposite to us at work and unfortunately sometimes they’re those closest to us.
WHO ARE THESE PPL? And why on earth do we let them in our lives? And WHY do they behave this way?
Interesting thing is its not always that obvious, and surprisingly some toxic people have zero idea that they are behaving in a toxic manor and are blissfully unaware of their behaviour. They come in all walks of our lives and they will be something entirely different for each individual. They can eat away at our confidence with passive aggressive, insensitive remarks, they may seclude you from social situations or events or they may decide to hate you for no reason whatsoever yet you still feel awfully to blame. Sometimes they come in short spells and make subtle remarks that we even have to question ourselves after “Was I too sensitive or were they unkind?” and worst of all most of the time they don’t even know they’re doing it..
There are so many examples people have shared with me over the years and that I have even experienced myself. However the most important thing that we’ll learn, and I am learning every day, is how to handle them because unfortunately life without them doesn’t exist. However, this is what I try and go through in my head when I end up with someone negative in my life and its definitely beginning to work…
Heres some little things I tend to remind myself and my friends then they’re dealing with someone unkind..
- Not everyone will like you. It doesn’t matter who you are or how kind you are etc, there will be people that choose to dislike you for whatever reason. It is not worth trying to get them to like you. Be civil and be kind but don’t put your happiness on the line to please someone who’s already made up their mind.
- People tend work and live in packs of other people, sometimes a group of people may not like you but it is much easier for them to all agree with each other than for someone to step up and disagree. However being the person who speaks their mind and sticks up for said person is ALWAYS the strongest. Be that person.
- TRUST YOUR GUT because it always knows when something or someone isn’t right.
- Listen closely to what your friends say about other people behind their back because I have no doubt that they are quite possibly disrespecting you and your friendship in the same way.
- HAPPY PEOPLE DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE UNKIND, THEY’RE TOO BUSY BEING HAPPY.
- You don’t need 50 best friends, you need 2 or 3 who value, love, respect and support you endlessly.
- If someone puts you down, for an achievement, a great idea, or anything positive in your life, they may be jealous. Jealousy is a really difficult thing to feel and to be on the receiving end of, it brings out behaviour that is genuinely awful. Friends are there to support you and build you into the person you were always meant to be. They are not there to rip the flowers out the bed you’ve just grown.
- People don’t like, and can feel threatened by those who may be pursuing something they have not yet had the courage to pursue themselves. It’s normal, we all feel it. But just remember that this behaviour is coming from their own insecurities and is not because you are incapable of what you are pursuing.
HOW CAN WE DEAL WITH THEM THOUGH? HOW DO WE STOP IT?
Okay so, different things work for everyone and sometimes you may not be in a situation where you can officially confront someone for their behaviour butttttt here’s some things I remind myself of when it happens..
- If someone is unkind for no good reason, that is their negative energy which is attached to them only. It has no reflection on you or your day. They are most likely behaving this way because they are unhappy. You do not have to join them in their unhappiness.
- Continuous and regular self care. Once you build up a strong level of self worth, you can let their bullets bounce off you, and I can’t tell you how satisfying that is to watch.
- Talk to someone you trust about it, they’ll be able to help you rationalise the situation and help you take steps to eliminating as much of it as possible.
- Be kind and gentle in response. It’s SO hard to do, but sinking down to a level anywhere close to theirs is not worth it.
- However it is always okay to confront them calmly and remind them of the line that they have crossed and have no right to ever cross again. Be firm, be calm and stand your ground.
- Your worth is not defined by someones inability to see your worth.
- If it’s someone that you can cut out of your life, then do it.
- Every single person deserves a level of respect, kindness and love, if you are not getting that out of your friendships or relationships then its time to walk away..
To be continued…
I’m going to go into more detail about healthy ways in which we can overlook these behaviours however I want to do some detailed research so that it comes from an angle that is not just my own.